Fear/Trust

I’ve made my living as a writer and director for over a decade. I’ve learned a lot about both crafts, some very potent. And still I feel like there are some lessons that I have to learn over and over again, each time making me go, “Oh yeah! This always happens at this point in the process.” Two lessons I re-learn constantly: I need to just trust what I know and what I’ve learned over the years because there will be days when I have no idea what I’m going to do in rehearsal because I haven’t cracked the scene or the number yet. Those days can still be terrifying and filled with dread. Today was one of those days. Karma and I were going to stage the number together, and she had created some delightful choreography for the one part of the song we felt we really had a grasp on but honestly I had very little idea of how the rest of the number should or could function. But then we got into the rehearsal room. For me seeing actors bodies in the space always opens up a door in my brain. I start to see shapes and floor patterns and compositions. And Karma and I have always been a great team working on a number together. Again, there is no ego involved, and I think we inspire each other—each other’s ideas sparking new ones. We also gave ourselves three hours. Another lesson: when you need time to figure something out, give yourself that time. I knew it would be a bear of a number, though interestingly it isn’t that long of a song. We ended the day finishing up the number—a very satisfying rehearsal.

I started this post thinking I was going to talk about the continual discovery that if I trust myself, then the fear will diminish, but actually what I’m just now realizing is that I should just learn to trust the fear. I’ve often said that I love doing pieces that terrify me a bit—“Oh man the subject matter of this piece is devastating” or “How the hell am I ever going to stage this show? It can't be done on stage.” I like to feel that, as long as it is coupled with loving the writing and with being emotionally affected by the material – either laughing or crying. And as I say above—the days when I am scared and don’t know what I am going to do in rehearsal are often the most exciting and fruitful. So… the lesson is “When you’re terrified Joe in regards to work, trust that you’re in the right place.”